“The day I was born I was born free and that is my Privilege.”


Stranger, do I know you?
April 13, 2009, 1:27 pm
Filed under: Tabloid

A few entries from overheardeverywhere. com.

1. Edgar Allan Poe Was a Difficult Kid to Raise

Mother: Honey, do you remember mommy’s friend Denise?
Four-year-old son: Uh-huh.
Mother: Well, mommy has to leave right now, because Denise’s father passed away, and I have to go and tell Denise that I’m sorry.
Four-year-old son: Oh, did you kill him?

(Eeeekkk, Grissom, murder… — haha.. sensiya, CSI mode lang.)


2.  But If Enough Rain Builds Up, You Can Watch Me Walk on Water

Angry traveler: The flight’s canceled because of weather?!  Can’t you do something?
Airline counter man: Ma’am, despite my godlike appearance, I cannot control the weather.

(Grabeh, taas ng self-esteem! hahaha)

3. Hamburgers, That’s How

Non-native presenting for speech class:
Everyone has cows in their life. Cows at home. Cows at work. Cows in our families. Cows can take over everything. But how do we get rid of the cows?

Teacher: Chaos. It’s pronounced ‘chaos.’

(“Cows in our families,” lagot ka sa kapatid mo! Hahaha)

4. But Fantastic That You’re Keeping That Cultural Reference Alive

History professor, lecturing on the early 1900s: I mean, the problem of being the only person with a telephone is, well, who you gonna call?
Class (as one):  Ghostbusters!
History professor: You kids scare me.

(WAHAHAHA!)

5. Little Frasier and Niles Were Quite the Handful

Teen boy: (glares at brother, bites thumb)
Younger brother: Mom! He’s non-verbally quoting Shakespeare at me again!

(Brit humor ba to? Laurie?!)

6. And You Stole Me from a Playground!

Little boy (standing next to a car):  Daddy, this isn’t our car!  Daddy, what are you doing? This isn’t our car!
Man: Look, buddy, you’ve got to stop saying that when we’re in parking lots.

(To a couple walking by) I just got a new car.

Little boy: No you didn’t!

(Children are not liars, uh-uh.)

7.  Should I Write My Number on His Hand in Crayon?

Preschooler (left alone in stroller singing to 20-something girl walking by):  Cha, cha, cha… you’re charming!
20-something girl (on cellphone):  I think I just got hit on by a four-year-old! No, it was actually better than most of the lines I’ve heard.

(Ku-yut!)

—————

Irrelevant afterword:

Those, it seems, were the longest discourse I’ve ever written, with multiple exclamations after your name, least to say that I’m happy.  But look at what you’ve done, nothing.  Oh, thank you, nothingness! And today I will stick a bond paper on my room wall shouting in bold letters, “Get over it and move on.”

Absobloodylutely!



Sana ‘Pag Binasa Ko Ulit ‘to Bukas o Sa Susunod na Bukas…
April 2, 2009, 4:41 pm
Filed under: Tabloid

I cried last night, argh, for reasons I will not further discuss, but one of them really bothers me a whole lot.  God, forgive me for my weakness.

The minor issue involves someone who may have forgotten that I still exist in this damned world. It’s been eons since I’ve seen him, and it’s a sufficient amount of time, I think, to maybe forget those skip-a-heartbeat moments. But hell no, at least for me.  And I hate it, the feeling that you’re missing someone who cares not even a bone about your whereabouts.  Being stuck in that state, bearing that emotion for God knows how many days now made me distraught. I used to categorize it as “petty,” that the rational me is saying to let go, but he’s nailed there somewhere, in my hypothalamus, I guess, because he sent me longing feelings that I could not comprehend — darn, what am I writing about.



Sabi nga, “Laughter is the Best Medicine.”
April 2, 2009, 4:31 pm
Filed under: Tabloid

It’s easy to please me! Food and humor! Recently, hindi ko na ma-distinguish yung corny sa tolerable pa naman sa nakakatawa talaga.  Blame it on the radio, may virus sa airwaves.. hahahaha… Sana matuloy kame sa Monster Movie Premiere ng Slumdog Millionaire.  I want to see Chico and Delamar, and I’m dying to see Boyle’s award-winning film.  Wootwoo!

Mga “Salawikain” na nagpa-ismayl sakin:

Unang Eksena:

— This one, feeling ko magagawa ko to sa anak ko. Hahaha —

NAY: Anak!! Bibili tayo ng ice cream today! What flavor do you want?! Pili ka.

FIVE-YEAR-OLD: Nay, yung rocky road na lang. Thank you.

NAY: Hindi, anak, yung ube yung masarap, ube yung bibilhin natin, ube.

FIVE-YEAR-OLD: (Pouts)

Ikalawang Eksena:

— Well, in my case, it’s the other way around. Lavaya, ma! —

YOUNGER SISTER: Ate, anung difference ng suffer and supper?

OLDER SISTER: Gan’to yan, kapag si ‘Nay yung nagluto ng ulam, that is supper.

YOUNGER SISTER: Uh-huh. Tapos?

OLDER SISTER: Kapag si ‘Tay yung nagluto ng ulam, yun, yun ang suffer. Gets mo?

Ikatlong Eksena:

— I am curious now if really there exists a person named Jellicles. And if there is, meeting him/her would be included to my “Things to do Before I Leave This Earthly World.” —

I received this text message from a friend one summer night.

“I  read your top 25 last night — referring to my “Top 25 things only a few knew about me” — and I happen to tell my boyfriend about the one with a question, What’s the story behind your name?  And he asked, “Ano bang full name ni jel?”

I answered, “Lauricejel.”

And my boyfriend surprisingly said, “Di ba ‘Jellicles’ yung name niya?”

(Actually, sa Cats Musical ko yan nakuha — Jellicle Cats.   I just made it Jellicles.   I like plurality.)
Ikaapat na Eksena:

— Si Donya walang kupas —

(Pantry: Lunchtime)

Donya: Jel! (magkatabi lang kame, pero kala mo nasunugan kung makasigaw) Alam mo ba nung pauwi ako…

Jel: Anu? What happened?

Donya: Eh, di umalis na dun sa terminal yung fx, tapos andun na kame sa ayala ave, noh, yung malapit sa EDSA.

Jel: Oh, tapos?

Donya: Busy ako nung kakatext, as in parang wala talaga akong pakialam sa katabi ko, sa drayber, sa daan.. tapos nag-preno bigla yung sasakyan.  I blurted out, “Ay, patay.”

Ang nangyari pala may muntikan ng masagasaan si drayber, muntikan lang, di patay, contrary to my interjection.  Tinignan ako ng masama nung katabi ko.

(Tapos tumawa na lang siya mag-isa realizing what she had done.)

Ikalimang Eksena:

— Yaya, you’re such a loser moments. Kung yaya kaya ang profession ko, anu kaya yung loser moments ko? Hahaha —

Yaya: (On the Phone) Hello, magandang umaga po.

Caller: Good morning. Andiyan ba si Grace? Pedeng makausap?

Yaya: Ay, lumabas po siya eh.

Caller: Tingin mo ba diyan siya magla-lunch?

Yaya: (Pause.  Thinking.) Hindi na po siguro.

Caller: Alam mo ba kung sa’n siya nagpunta?

Yaya: Ahhhmmmm… Sa Amerika po. (Toinks)

Ikaanim na Eksena:

Walang basagan ng trip, sa natawa ako eh! haha —

I.

Use Parang, Calumpang, and Tutuban in a song.

Use!

Come they told me PARANG, CALUMPANG, TUTUBAN, TUTUBAN.

II.

Use deposit and diploma in a sentence

Use!

Oh, no, DE-POSIT is sira.  I need to call DI-PLOMA tuloy!  (Naks, British accent!)

Ikapitong Eksena:

— I’m glad you’re not turning Japanese.  Bored ako nito. —

From File:

Q. Sir,  do you know Ms. Thai’s race?

A. I do.  I believe I do from the paperwork I’ve seen.
Q. And what is her race?
A. I believe it’s Vietnamese.

Ikawalong  Eksena:

Tawang-tawa talaga ako dito. Wahahaha —

Boy: Girl, straight ako.

Girl: Weh, bakit Lady Gaga yung codename mo?

Ikasiyam na Eksena:

— Ako talaga to eh! Joke!!–

Lola: Apo, apo! Okay na. Nakahanap na ako.

Apo: Ng alin?

Lola: Yung para sa’yo.

Apo: Yiii, ka-sweet naman ng lola ko.  Anung para sa’kin? May gift ka sa’kin?

Lola: Yung magiging boyfriend mo. Nakita ko na siya!

Apo: Lola!!!!! Tingin nio ba desperado na talaga ako!! Asan ba? Masipat nga! Kase naman eh!

Huling Eksena:

Sutyal ni Itay, game hunt ang hobby

Tatay caught a deer.  When he arrived home, he cooked it and served the dish to his children.

Anak: Tatay, ano po ito?

Tatay: Hulaan mo! Sige, clue! Hhhhmm.. yan yung tawag sakin ng nanay nio.  (He thinks to himself that he obviously will get “dear” as an answer, but to his surprise…)

Anak: Wag niyong kainin yan! Wag niyong kainin yan! Demonyo yan! Waaahhh!!!