“The day I was born I was born free and that is my Privilege.”

Chona-ism: A new-fangled philosophy
October 27, 2008, 1:03 pm
Filed under: Big Brother Stories, Familia, Tabloid

Oh, well, I dunno if she will then again — presumably, because the first instance has not yet been confirmed — abduct my cellphone and throw it in a bin saying “Help lessen electronic wastes.  Dump your ‘not-so-good’ e-gadgets and accessories here.  Save the earth where we inhabit” after I make her my heroine in this entry.  Well, I sincerely don’t want her to be in such a state again for this: She fainted after seeing my 2300 with its cheap purplish-pink butterfly-inspired keypad.  To lessen such feeling of lightheadedness, she glanced at her N70 Nokia phone. “I still am in  the Wall-E age,” she then bellowed.  <Hahahaha.  Love you, Tsoning.>

It was the morning at the office where you would not expect to be shocked after reading a chat message from your superior saying, “Hey, guys, today’s our annual physical examination.  It would be much convenient for you because the said event will be held in our beautiful, just spare the filthy floor, office.” Okay.  So there we are in that room, registering, looking high up in the ceiling, almost breaking a neck, just to prove that we’re no hobbit, and taking all the unnecessary things to make a statement that we are just as light as a feather.  Kidding.  But it’s no jest to be pinched with a thick needle just to get a drop of blood.   You would then think after that that those white-gowned oppressors are just too mean to make a scenery of your red blood cells for just a few seconds under a microscope, them enjoying and you flinching as they’re drilling a hole in your finger just to take a piece of you.  <Hehe, ang arte ko talaga pero pramis masakit.>  As Chona — famous to be Donya of our beautiful workplace, just spare the filthy floormat, please — would mumble later on, “Of all the people na kumuha ng million pounds worth blood drop of mine, it is with her that I feel sheer agony and pain.” <Tarush! Lord Byron, back off! Hahaha>

It was time for the last of the Basic Five — X-ray.  We went downstairs, to the building’s parking area to look for a mobile clinic.  It was swarmed with male nurses and a doctor inside.  We were the first batch to be X-rayed, all women, oh, yeah, one claims to be trapped in a man’s body but she is among the wo-men — hehehe.  All of us piled up, waiting to be stamped with “X-rayed” on our back. “Hinga ng malalim.” Then a flash mimicking a Dravidian period camera.  “Okay.”  Then He-who-must-not-be-named get in the room and recover that metal-lish casket containing a film that would say if your lungs are still there after smoking a pack earlier that morning.  Don’t be misguided.  I am not a smoker.  Chona was the last to be ‘flicked’ at.  We were all outside, talking to each other gals and then the lads came and then more talking.  Suddenly, the door of the mobile opened.  Standing there in the doorway, almost like a proud father after announcing to the audience, it is a boy, a son finally, was Donya Chona.  She came down from her throne and mingled with us underlings.

She opened the discussion with “He-who-must-not-be-named touched me on my waist.  It’s absurd.  It’s hypocritical.”  Then us underlings were forced to utter some phrases of approval.  “Indeed! He has done that to me, too.”  The air was then filled with myriad cries of women in support of Donya Chona.  In the middle of this ruckus, one lad would whisper, “That lucky bastard,”  taking his right hand to his face to cover his mouth.

Lunchtime in the pantry, eating a commoner’s meal and reminiscing what happened earlier that morning, Donya Chona then made a revelation triggered by this one of them lads’ statement:  “Uyst, nung umalis kayong mga gals kanina, sabi ni He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, ‘Kapag mga babae talaga ang tagal.‘”

Eh?!! You would certainly enraged Gabriela Silang there, mister.   Better stay in a cupboard!  After what you’ve done to all of us here, guiding while holding our waists and our shoulders.  You’re a sham — shame!  Well, that’s a personal comment.  Chona’s will be like this:

DC:  Uyst, pa’no ba sinusuot yung gown dun sa X-ray room?

A gal:  Yung may iri-ribbon na part sa likod yun.

DC:  Di nga?!! Akala ko sa harap yun.  Inayos-ayos ko pa man din yung ribbon nun.  Baka kasi masilipan ako dun sa loob.   Sobrang takip nga ako dun ng front ko with my arms.

A lad:  Di ba nanganak ka na?! Di ba you’ve been to a hospital kasi nanganak ka na?! (Insisting that she has an idea, at least, on how to wear that typo’ gowns)

DC:  Eh, matagal na din yun, noh! Nakalimutan ko na kaya!

A gal: Ikaw ba yung sinabihan ng, “Miss, tapos ka na bang mag-bihis?  Ang tagal mo na diyan ha.

DC: <Tawa na lang siya ng after.>

May kapalit na ang Everybody Loves Raymond and Will and Grace kapag lunchtime!!! Hahahaha. –

Postcript:  Chona and the quarterly evaluation discussion with sir.   Don’t confuse her.  See, how heartbreaking it was to see her so flabbergasted. Hahaha.

Sir:  Chona, nakapag-physical exam ka na ba?

DC:  Ay, sir. Hindi pa po.

Sir:  Bakit?

DC:  Wala pa po kaya kayong binibigay sakin.

Sir:  Huh?! Anu naman bibigay ko sa’yo?

DC:  Yung evaluation sheet ko po (Stuttering while thinking).  Ay, hehe, APE (physical exam) po pala.  Ang akala ko PAS (quarterly evaluation).  Hehe.

Siyempre, tawa ako ng tawa upon hearing this story from her.  Mula elevator pababa ng building, habang naglalakad kame papuntang sakayan.  Hahaha.  See, even why I am narrating it here. Hehe. =)


Post-postscript:  Chona Paranoia: Quarterly Evaluation, as told by her to me just this rainy morning:

J:  Chona!!! Aaahh, late!

DC: Onga eh!  Nu time ka nakapag-in?

J:  6:05, late din! Hehe.  Nasa blog kita! Hahaha.

DC:  Naku, kaw talaga, sa multiply?

J:  Di noh!  Ni-narrate ko lang ang spontaneous humor mo. Hehe =)

DC:  Ay, meron pa nga eh.  Ni-pop ako ni M kahapon, tinatanong kung may suspender daw ako.  Sabi ko naman, “Wala pa eh.  Wala pang binigay si sir.”  Natawa si M, sabi niya, SUSPENDER, di SUSPENSION!


2 Comments so far
Leave a comment

nakakabaliw talaga yang si donya. sumakit panga ko kakatawa sa mga kwentong to. kahit alam ko naman na eh natatawa pa din ako. 😀

Comment by kat

oo nga eh.. looking porward sa mga comedy or errors pa ni chona hahaha. 🙂

Comment by timebender

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